Bill Clinton Statue in Albania

December 29, 2016

Bill Clinton Statue in Albania

Sent from my Blackberry:

I’m with Bill in Pristina. now. Man, it’s colder than a witches titty. I asked him where they got the money for the statue. “Red,” he said,”the money came from a grant from the William Jefferson Clinton Presidential Library, Hehe.” Then he poked me in the ribs with his elbow and winked and said, “and their money came from a grant from the Treasury Department. I wrote it myself. Timmy G. signed the check. Damn, I do love America!”

The Funniest thing about that street they named after him, though is it’s in the heart of the red light district. These Albanian sure do know Bill!

It’s really fun to travel with Bill. He’s got an all female Secret Service detail. Boy, those girls sure do like to party. We stopped in Amsterdam on the way back. They’re naming a street after him there, too.

Dick Cheney’s Death Squads

December 29, 2016

Dick Cheney’s secret death squads

This reminds me of a story about Cheney. He had me over to the Naval Observatory one afternoon, back when he was veep, for happy hour. We were down in his bunker sipping some Glen Garioch (nothing but the best for ol’ Dickie.). Anyway, we’re playing this video game, from some company called Raytheon (It was a lot like Call of Duty IV but way cooler.) and we’re flying these Predator drones over Pakistan and Afghanistan and they have these Hellfire missiles and Dickie’s yelling, “WOOHOO!! GIT SUM!! GIT SUM!!”

Man, I tell you, we were blowing the shit out of those Taliban and Quaidas. I first thought that they looked like family gatherings, you know like a wedding or something like that. I asked, “Dickie, how do you know who is Taliban or Quaida?”

He looked over at me, took a big slug of scotch and said, “Reddy my boy (that’s what he calls me), you see that yellow line on the screen there? If they’re on the left side of that line they’re Quaida and if they’re on the right side they’re Taliban.”

He had me over to his house the other day and his grandchildren were playing it.

Negotiating with Iranians

December 29, 2016

Negotiating with Iranians

True story. I was playing chess with Joe Biden once. He’s not very good at at it and I was able to check mate him in 3 moves. You won’t believe what happened next. He grabbed the King and swallowed it! I kid you not. I felt like I was negotiating with an Iranian.